When I understood the meaning of life.

Hi I am a young girl living in Australia in the suburbs of sydney. I have 1 brother and 1 sister who are my best friends aswell. I am the youngest and most pampered. . I moved to Sydney when I was 12.My life in high school was unforgettable, with lots of great friends and the best family I enjoyed my teen years with great joy, going out was common and my life was all about fun, a healthy and happy life,but I guess I took a lot for granted and didn’t value the real things.

When high school ended I got engaged to a great guy who is the love of my life. I got married after a year and moved with him. At that time I was only 18.life could not be any more perfect. I had everything I could ever wish for, but I guess nothing can be perfect.

After 6 months of my marriage we decided to take things one step further and have a baby.In my 4th month I started feeling fatigued and breathless, vomiting constantly.Thinking these are symptoms of just another difficult pregnancy I continued my life as normally as I could. Going out to dinners and constant shopping was a daily routine.

As time went on I got sicker and sicker, when I went for routine checkups my doctor told me u might be suffering from asthmas and I got treated for astama.That time just one night in hospital seemed the hardest thing of all. The next morning I started crying and forced my self to go home. I quickly ran into the shower and used my best smelling soap to get all the stinky hospital smells and germs out of my system as I strongly HATE hospitals.

The symptoms were getting worse, breathing was hard and vomiting was more frequent. I was loosing a lot of weight and scared about my babies health, me and my mother in law decided to go to the doctor again. This was a day I can never forget, my doctor told me to go get a x-ray done, and the result of the x-ray was just what she feared. I was suffering from a rare complication of heart failure during pregnancy called cardiomypathy.i quickly went for a echo finding out my heart was only working 20% when the normal rate is 60 to 80%.my life changed in a blink of an eye. I walked into the hospital but came out in a wheelchair. I was getting admitted into hospital first thing next morning, with tears in my eye I could not believe what was happening when I was only 19 and so naive, could not imagine the possibilities of what could happen in the future. I was under the impression that it is only a pregnancy related condition which will end after the baby’s delivery and my baby will survive with no issues.thats it,its just in a blink of an eye that your whole life can change so dramatically.

Little did I no that life is not always that simple. Crying and moaning day and night I stayed in hospital for my baby.In the 7th month my baby was delivered by c section .A adorable cute little boy. He was in acute care. As I was so sick my self I was allowed to see him only once. I still remember that day, to see him breath with such difficulty,and to see all the tubes he had was heart breaking, but his face made me smile and cry at the same time. I held his soft beautiful hand,it was the best feeling ever. I am so glad god gave me a chance to feel his hand as I can still remember that beautiful moment and smile.

After my constant torture to the doctors about giving me a discharge I left the hospital with a good news of my baby improving and told me to start thinking about managing a premature baby .I was excited and thinking hard about my new life with baby.The next day my baby passed away due to a infection. Me ,my husband and my family were very upset, but noone could do anything. That was my fate and gods decision,but I think with the help and support of my family and my faith in god it made it a lot easier to accept the truth.

Soon again I had to get admitted into hospital due to my fatal condition.Breathing was so difficult , my days and nights were on a chair sleeping on the table as lieing flat would not be possible due to my breathing difficulty.I was a difficult case with many complications.In my regular checkups they found lymph nodes in my chest which they suspected to be cancerous or tb,and started concentrating on that rather then fixing my heart problem,my heart condition was getting worse and worse as it was a bit neglected,I suffered feeling cold and pain in my legs,it was really painfull to walk. A d then I collapsed.I was transferred to icu and then to a more specialized hospital for heart and lung, St Vincents.i was in ccu at first but just the second night I collapsed again with a heart rate of zero,I was quickly transferred to icu, they did cpr for 3 hours and then put me on the life support machine. the doctors told my parents not to expect much as they thought the chance of my survival was very less and even if I survived they could not say if my brain would still work or not, But with lots of prayers I managed to survive after inserting a elvad in my heart by open heart surgery, an elvad is a left ventricle assist device sitting under my heart which pumps the blood around my body mechanically,working as my heart. The second day of my heart operation I suffered a life threatening infection, so they had to do a really big stomach operation.

After all this there was still a shock left to sink in which I found to be the hardest of all. When I came to my senses I realised I could not move or feel anything in my legs. I was a paraplegic T10.At that time I was on the ventilator with arterial lines, central lines,food tube and much much more. I could not even move. My eyes were green. and I was extremely weak ,still not fully in my senses and trying to actually believe what has happened to me.tears did not stop from my eyes. every single time I saw the doctors or the nurses I used to ask when all this is going to come out and will I ever get better.but noone had the answer. It was the most difficult time of my life, still remembering it gives me the chills, I pray no one goes through that pain ever. very very slowly I started getting better. I had to get used to a very new life and a very hard one.i used to scream and cry but it was of no help.I had to except what had happen. It was very hard and seemed impossible at first,With the support and love of my family and the assurance of my faith in god I got through this tough time,But the problems seemed never ending

I used to have a blood test everyday and infections were never ending.I used to fear getting my temperature checked because I always had one. Needles were my worst enemy but were a daily thing in my life now.i used to vomit everything I ate and weighed only 30 kgs.Nothing was going right .i used to fear tomorrow’s pain every second. St Vincents rehab was not a spinal rehab so I was waiting for royal Ryde rehab.Months went by and I was still under the impression to go to rehab very soon as I was no 5 on the list and then no 1 but the news never came. After constant calling they finally told us that ryde won’t accept me for rehab as I had a rare heart machine called the elvad which ryde had not experienced before and refused to try experiencing it.Disheartned me got sick of everything as it had been a year of hospital,I forced the doctors for me to go home. I had no equipment except a bed and the doctors claimed I would be back in hospital in a few weeks.I proved them wrong, my family was such a good team of support that they didn’t let anything go wrong,with constant care I was looking and feeling so much better then I was in hospital.At my first checkup everyone who saw me was amazed as my doctors thought I was always going to stay very sick, looking at my condition before with so so many complications.They claimed my survival was a miracle.just this little achievement made me really happy.

After a long time I started going out of the house,and started getting stronger.life was getting better. I have just started a private rehab.its only been a year since my injury but it has changed my life and personality,my approach to life and my nature,my thinking and my acts.I have learnt a lot.I wanted to share my story because I had a lot of trouble at first and thought nothing will ever go right,But now I value life and people a lot more,the way every sick and healthy should.slowly everything dose fall into place slowly but surley.find your passion and go for it.i survived hospital by doing art and crafts.its what I love and I have made amazing things and given it to my loved ones so they can remember me always.I want to do cooking when I get a little bit stronger because I love that a lot.At the moment I have not achieved anything big but I hear a lot of people who have achieved great things in their lifes who are just like me or maybe worse off.Just stay positive and don’t loose hope,There are other people worse off then you so thank god in every breath you take and keep smiling.Getting out and looking at the world really helps.thats what I have learnt and I hope my story helped you in one way or another.